How to Cultivate a Long-Term Relationship: Admiring them for Who they Are
Expressing appreciation genuinely and timely is a very important thing to do in a relationship. It is like water that should be part of your life. If anything is even more important, it’s admiration.
Let me put the take away message at the beginning: appreciate them for what they do and admire them for who they are.
Here are some examples on how to deliver admirations. They convey a more impactful message.
- Appreciation: thanks for preparing the coffee for me
- Admiration: thanks for being such a kind person
- Appreciation: thanks for listening to me and acknowledging how I feel
- Admiration: thanks for being such a empathetic and good listener
- Appreciation: thanks for showing me how large the world is by discussing the big questions with me
- Admiration: your curiosity about life has always been an inspiration for me.
- Appreciation: thanks for teaching the kids from poor communities the skills they need
- Admiration: your existence makes me feel that the world is a wonderful place to live and your efforts will always be remembered
- Appreciation: thanks for always showing appreciation for small things people do for you
- Admiration: your consistent gratitude is a testament to your compassionate nature
- Appreciation: Thanks for supporting me during difficult times.
- Admiration: Your unwavering strength and resilience are truly inspiring, and they’ve helped me get through challenging moments.
Admiration is a choice. We are all only human and therefore we err, we fall, we show vulnerabilities. Admiration means that we make a conscious choice to only look at the good qualities of our partner.
Admiration reminds us why we love each other in the very beginning. It provides an armour for our relationship so that those negative feelings or actions won’t easily erode into our relationship. The more we admire our partner, the less we will show dissatisfaction, sarcasm, or even contempt.
On the flip side, if you really have to express conflicting opinions or even criticize, criticize what they did, not who they are. Any attempts to connect what they did to who they are have a devastating effect to your relationship and takes many, many goodwill to remedy. And the amount of work to remedy such situations is even beside the point here. The point is loving someone means that we do not ever want to hurt them by judging on who they are. If they truly love you, they trust what you said and to the extent that those judgemental words may have long lasting effect. Do not let down that trust.
Some examples on how to deliver constructive feedback
- Instead of saying: You’re so selfish!
- Try saying: I felt hurt when you didn’t consider my feelings in that situation, can we talk about it?
- Instead of saying: You never listen to me!
- Try saying: I’d appreciate it if you could pay more attention to what I’m saying, it’s important to me.
- Instead of saying: You're so disorganized!
- Try saying: I noticed that keeping things organized has been a challenge, maybe we can work together to find a system that works for us?
In conclusion, cultivating a good long-term relationship is about nurturing admiration for your partner. It’s crucial to appreciate their actions, but more importantly, admire them for who they are. By doing so, you’ll strengthen the foundation of your relationship, making it more resilient to conflicts and negativity. Remember to focus on the qualities that drew you together in the first place and let admiration be a guiding force in your relationship. With time, effort, and mutual respect, you and your partner can enjoy a long-lasting, loving relationship.